A flurry of confusion and a mix of emotions.

I never wanted to be one of those people caught up in a flurry of confusion about purpose and identity. I thought the people who did that were generally self-righteous pseudo-intellectuals who would spend their lives talking about the great achievements that would change the world they would accomplish someday but could never make up their mind about anything. It seemed to me that they were afraid to commit to a decision and were constantly seeking guidance, clearly never having been told the greater the risk, the greater the return. It seemed to me they want the safe path and with someone else giving them instructions, they could be absolved of guilt if their path didn't lead in the direction that they had hoped.
At age twenty-four I am realizing I am much of  this. I talk of great things I want to accomplish. I never do anything significant in order to do any of it. I write words but they are a scattered, disjointed mess. I make goals but have no follow through. I tell myself maybe what I need is a guide. What I really need is to get the fuck over myself and throw myself at whatever it is I'm trying to do regardless of consequence. I frustrate people who see that I have abilities and perspectives worth sharing. No one but my own self can make me do this. I have to be the one. I know it and yet I can't seem to do it.
I spit advice for anyone that asks even though sometimes I feel so fake doing it. Who am I, fuck up that I am, to be telling other people ways to resolve their problems when I am burdened with so many of my own, almost entirely self-inflicted, issues? I don't take my own advice so why should I expect anyone else to? As I see it, I've been a loser most of my life and will continue to be one as long as I keep holding back and I can't seem to help it. I try to be fearless and yet somehow I'm crippled by some overwhelming fear of showing what I can be if I let myself which is pretty damn fucked up.
I also feel like I'm turning into a more and more bitter person everyday, constantly frustrated by people. I feel like saying "yeah, no shit." during conversations more and more often when people feel the need to point out something fucking obvious. I'm sure plenty of people want to smack me in the mouth when I talk anyone so I'm starting to considering keeping my mouth shut is a better course of action for everyone even though I get the idea that won't do much in resolving some of my issues. Sometimes I just feel like I'm going through the motions, having conversations that don't interest me but it's the thing to do so I put my face on and get through it. I used to be so interested in what people of any and all intellectual levels had to say, now I don't really give a shit. What the fuck have I become and am becoming?
I don't want to say I've lost my path or direction because too many people go on about that. I don't think I ever really had one to begin with any way. I just fuck around and stumble into things. I have an idea of who I want to be and what I want in my life but there is no fucking guidebook or clear pathway layed out. I'd be pretty damn disgusted with myself if I took the easy way anyway but I seem to want it nonetheless. I want what would make me hate myself, trying to become a person I could be proud of. That is fucked. I would probably admit to needing help but I can't stand asking for help and push it away whenever it's offered. I have been bleeding on the ground and refused help from people offering. I can't stand leaning on anyone for support which is why I stay out of relationships and try to end them before they even begin. I'm frustrated with the fact that I am not as independent as I would like to be but I struggle to fix all the shit, mostly in my head, that is fucking me over. I'm pretty messed up.